The Senioritis Epidemic – Ruining the Lives of Berkeley Carroll Seniors

The+Senioritis+Epidemic+-+Ruining+the+Lives+of+Berkeley+Carroll+Seniors

Simon Korotzer-Mariani, Arts and Entertainment Editor

A new pandemic is upon us, and it’s ruining the lives of teenagers across the nation. Experts (such as myself—only myself, in fact) have named it Senioritis Academia.

The symptoms include: not doing homework, not studying for tests, not communicating with teachers, getting little sleep despite having a relatively normal workload, complaining about teachers giving any moderate assignment, and a general attitude of extreme apathy.

Experts are unclear on how the virus is spreading. Authorities have suspected it could be airborne, so the entire student body is required to wear masks (that’s the only reason they have to wear them). It also could have been dormant in seniors for their entire lives, and symptoms are just now beginning to show. Why is it becoming active now? Could it be a seasonal virus? Could it be that they’ve gotten into colleges and don’t want to try anymore? Could they have not gotten into college yet, and are just straight up done with high school?

Recent mutations, such as the Pass-Fail variant, have been tearing through the senior class like wildfire. Extensions are being requested, homework is not getting done, and teachers are becoming angry. Unfortunately, there is little they can do. This variant seems to have had an odd effect: the pass-fail policy works by averaging the first three quarter grades for a final, as long as seniors achieve an above-75% final grade for the fourth quarter. So, seniors had to work hard on their final third quarter assessments in order to maximize Senioritis-induced apathy for the latter part of the year.

Student Sam O. ‘22 says “I’ve had Senioritis since freshman year.”

After evading interview appointments for weeks due to his severe case, Leo I. ‘22 gave his wide range of experiences with Senioritis. He has symptoms like “lack of motivation, fatigue, uncontrollable sweating, and the urge to do jumping jacks at all times” and copes with the virus by “staring at a wall for hours and pretending to do homework.” Finally, he advises future generations to “meet with physicians and make a plan immediately” to stop the spread.

It is extremely difficult to maintain motivation to do any work whatsoever. I am attempting to continue, but I just don’t feel like it. I don’t think I’ll ever finish this article..

It’s not that I don’t have the time; there’s plenty of that. I can’t find the motivation, the inspiration, the drive to create that’s definitely been there for all of high school. I think I’m going to end the article here. What can they do? Give me a bad grade?